cookie-cutter comments

It was between 1843 and 1844 that Alexandre Dumas wrote “The Three Musketeers”. I don’t know why I picked up the book, maybe because it was good ‘literashure’. I picked it up along with some others mostly because my lovable kid brudder is gaga over “The Man in the Iron Mask”, another Dumas favourite it seems. I’m not normally interested in court intrigues or epic tales of derring-do (yah, right, sure..) so I thought “why not, lah; 2nd hand RM6.00 only lah” and bought it.

I’ve not finished it but one part got me in fits of laughter. I mean, first I stared at the page, eyes really wide, and then I started laughing incredulously when I decoded what was written… ok, let me just point out, hor, that I’m:-

1. Not a bloddy lit student, ok?
2. Not one of those ‘elegantly wasted’ metrosexual geeks with a penchant for disconnected post-post-modern love, ok?
3. Not one of those overly cynical bastards about romance, hor; I mean, a bit’s fine, and some bits are just too damn much lah
4. [Insert appropriate disclaimer for possible future bad behaviour]

Having said that, wahlan, check out the CHEESE!!

D’Artagnan took her hand and kissed it ardently.

“Oh, I wish I’d never met you!” he cried with that spontaneous bluntness that women often prefer to polite affectation because it reveals what is really in a man’s heart and shows that his emotion has won out over his reason (mon dieu! take deep breath… — ed.)

“I can’t say the same,” Madame Bonacieux replied almost lovingly, squeezing the hand that still held hers. “What’s lost for now isn’t lost for the future. Some day, when I’m free to speak, I will satisfy your curiousity.”

“And will you also satisfy my love?” asked D’Artagnan, overjoyed.

“I can’t promise that. It will depend on the feelings you’re able to arouse in me.” (mon dieu! invitation to treat! — ed.)

Cringe-worthy-goosebump-inducing-spiel lor.

And all this not bloddy two bloddy hours after they meet! I wonder if you see the same sort of melodrama in trashy romance novels in our day and age .

Two times in a row is too much.

This morning, one blithering idiot implied that me and the rest of us in my company were on the take. I got mad. I got really mad.

“Why do you always use XYZ? There are others in your area, what? Where is he based?” she fires off.

“He’s based in KL, but he has contacts nationwide,” I replied, wondering where this was going.

“Then why use him?”

“Because he’s reliable. He’s always been reliable. The others will quote but not follow through, and only he does, from experience.”

“But you all always use him, you know,” she said, interrupting me.

“It’s not as if we always use him, it’s just that no one else wants it and he takes up the slack”.

“You know the bosses and managers in KL are asking why you all always call XYZ company–”

“Wait a minute, what’s the suggestion here, what’s the implication?”

“That you keep calling XYZ all the time. How come–”

“Wait, wait– you’re suggesting that we call him all the time because we have a deal with him? You think we pakat with him?”

“That’s what–”

“No, no, your implication is that I always call him, we always call him, because we get money from him, is that what you’re saying!”

“That’s what everybody is suspicious about–” she said.

“I don’t like the implication, and I don’t appreciate–”

“Then why always call him?”

“You are saying I take MONEY from him? I have NEVER–”

“I’m not saying you lah, but I just telling you that people are talking lah, not about you lah, about the company lah.”

By this time I was quivering with boiling rage. My vision didn’t turn red, I didn’t leap into a berserk fury, I didn’t smash chairs, not that kind of reckless rage. My mind was turning to last Saturday’s “offer” and I thought to myself, what the fuck?! I mean, really, what the fuck?!

“Ok, nevermind, just pass me the other quotations,” she said, after I refused to answer her. “Ok,” I replied, as noncommittal as I could manage, before slamming the phone on the receiver.

Gratuitous Update: she called back much later, and was conciliatory, we almost kissed and made up on the phone (yelch!).

Ahh.. the Cosmic Balance is restored once more..