The inevitability of it all caught me by surprise.

I suppose in every food chain, the higher you move up, the more you see. Or presume to see: let’s not be blinded by our own vanities, shall we? It becomes disorientating for a while, because there are so many viewpoints thrust upon you, apart from the new responsibilities that you found yourself shouldering quietly many months back suddenly accumulating into an almost apocryphal announcement.


He didn’t like it that he now has to report to me, and I’m not sure I like it either; we both joined on the same day. From all reports, he gets the work done faster than I do and makes more for the company than I do — he’s a workhorse without relent, and such is the advantage of youth (I tell myself).

I’d been sensing something shifting in the power structures at our branch for some time now. We have a senior manager and an operations manager, and two other managers who are variables in terms of management responsibilities. For the past few months, I was gleefully saddled with responsibilities that I didn’t want — there were 5 of us tasked to take charge of the units. I did my part as requested, and suddenly found that not only did the rest of the 5 not do what they were asked to do, but had happily volunteered me, being the only one who did do something.

And so 4 months later, I’m still saddled with shit but am trying to find some sort of balance. And then the announcement comes: it’s not a promotion, but I suddenly find myself checking reports and correcting grammar and such. I tell myself that’s all I’m supposed to do, but when I see discrepancies, inadequacies, I can’t help but add in my own comments. I wonder if this is how it’s like.

In any case, He doesn’t like it at all, and I feel somewhat embarassed. He’s full of pride, young and gung-ho, with a self-belief that didn’t exist before our managers, then our senior manager, took under their own wing. That’s what we’ve always hated about him: he was protected, the blue-eyed boy, who used to mock us saying “my manager is the manager of your manager”, ridiculing us. This was all forgetting how, after just barely a week into the job, he came to me and told me he couldn’t take the pressure and wanted to quit.

I feel ambivalent. My stock excuse was that I was to correct his grammar (a mean feat since I make just as many mistakes) and nothing else; he doesn’t accept that, insisting that his grammar was better than everybody else’s (you see where I’m going with my portrayal of him? yes, I think you do…). And this was after I handed his draft report back to him, replete with errors of structure and worse, substance.

I feel bitter, on the one hand, because of the 5 who were called to help, only I responded and none wanted to be saddled with the responsibility of actually doing something worthwhile, and now I feel even worse because I’m made to feel like a cock-sucker. It completely dismisses any ability I have at the job, which makes me feel even worse since I make damn well sure I know what I’m doing, and have been from the day I joined.

He just sms-ed me, telling me how embarassed he’s feeling because other colleagues have been mocking him. I think he’s going to be calling up our senior manager to complain at the injustice of it all, but I don’t care anymore. I’ve got much more urgent issues to deal with.

Like whether I’m going to stick to the job in the first place.

His disagreement, such as it is, is inevitable.